| May. 28th, 2008 @ 06:33 am Thank You and Good Night.... |
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Current Music: Fat Joe Brolic 300
Some people just fucking piss me off... At work, in your house, on the FUCKING street, people and their fucking bullshit are everywhere and their pissing me off... They snicker and sneir at you from behind fake smiles telling you everything is going to be alright, that they are your friend. Nothing is ever alright. No-one is your friend, they just use you until they get what they want, and poof but some term of asshole magic their gone never to heard from again. Everything ends... I know I'm not liked, I know I'm not loved by everyone. Well you know what FUCKERS?? I'm fine with this... Love me, Hate me I don't give a shit anymore. I had an epihany on the way home from work tonight. And I came to the conclusion that EVERYTHING ENDS AND NO ONE IS REAL... For those of you that love me and call me your friend thats fine... Do what you will... Legitimately love me and call me your friend, or legitimately hate me and stop wasting my time... I'm no longer going to be corgial, or friendly anymore, if you piss me off or if you insult my way of living, I'm going to let you know about it... I'm no longer that good guy that many of you think I am... Well I guess joke is on you cuz you never saw this comming... It pisses me off when people look at me and say "Smile Spike, it's not that bad". First off you don't know me... Second, you know nothing about what my life up this point and time. And Third, if you think you have to cheer me up by saying "Smile Spike"... I'll let you in on a little secret... Come in closer so you unstand.... YOUR WASTING YOU FUCKING TIME ASSHOLE!!!!.... I'm going to stop there before this gets any worse... |
| Mar. 1st, 2008 @ 06:34 am (no subject) |
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Current Mood:  bored
Current Music: 10 years "shelter"
WoW, I have not written in here for quite awhile. Well alot has happen to me in the last few months... Where to start... Well I am now the proud owner of a 2007 Mitsubishi Eclipse. I am living with my parents again, Meg an I are still together and happily married for 2 months now. I have been at Sodexho for a year now and I fucking hate it. I'm still an advent smoker although I did cut down a lot. I have a lot to be thankful for to tell ya honestly: my beautiful wife, my sexy fucking car, the place where I live... shit can't remember the rest. Your probably sitting there reading this either not caring, or thinking..."hmm wonder why". Well me bucko let me tell ya why. In mid January shortly after Meg and I were married we stayed with her father and step mother under the notion that were going to stay/live there until we could get back onto our feet. About 3 days of living there I started to notice "cracks in the fort" sorta speak. I started to notice that all that they had promised was starting to look like BS. I will admit at this point I was starting to get a lil home stick but for different reasons then you think. Well we went out as much as we can to look for work, and when nothing was available, we packed our shit and headed home. While living with them (father and step mom) I began to have moments of clarity. I came to realize what I really held close and what I really needed in my life as far as people and a certain way of living was concerned. SO... I'm still going to work at sodexho until something better comes along or until I get my ass to school for something that isn't going to land me in a gas station after I graduate. Well thats whats new later maggots |
| Aug. 9th, 2007 @ 10:13 am ....And Hell Rides With Him. |
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Current Mood:  cranky
This summer by far has been the worst one for me on record. Well it firsted started off that I couldn't get unemployment because I was off by 7 fucking dollers. So then the only thing to do was to go look for work. Un-fucking-fortunately the only job I got was in late july, and then was fired 1 week later on a BULLSHIT call!!!! So having only Meg's unemployment we are late on EVERYTHING!!! Not to menton we have had no money to live on, we have been living on hand-outs and donations. The new car hasn't had a full tank of gas in 3months. But the strange thing is that Meg and have no relationship problems what so ever. So now I know what hitting bottom means and feels like. Next summer this will not happen again. Next summer we will have the money to live on, we will have the money to go to the Ren. faire, and go to The Great Escape with the boys. |
| Mar. 6th, 2007 @ 02:44 am Life goes... Through the door... |
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Current Mood: depressed
Life goes well so far. I have nothing to really bitch about except I have been thinking about Val a lot, and remembering a lot of good things, and remembering a lot of bad. To tell you honestly it makes me miss her. I remember how it finally ended between her and I. And to speak quite frankly I really wish it didn't happen. Well I wish it didn't happen the way it did. I mean I was really acting on impulse and not really thinking it through to what I was doing. I guess that was my problem then. When it came to her I always went for blood. I thought about it in the past few months I was too immature to handle how close her and I had gotten. I realize now the mistakes made and trespasses acted on, in kind of a sad way I wish it really didn't happen. Like it was a bad dream. I know she hates me. Wait... Scratch that... I know she REALLY hates me, and if I was a little more mature about how it would have ended I'd like to think that she wouldn't. I guess that's it. I can't stand the fact that she hates my guts. But can't change that now. Maybe one day we can be friends(like when we're both married and around 30, maybe sooner who knows). Oh and that post where I said that the last 2 years were wasted... I didn't really mean it. I was pissed and had to take it out on you. Again going for blood in an immature, juvenile, hissy fit of a way. And I know Rebbecca will probably want to read this to you, and maybe in some morbid curiosity you'll wanna know whats going on in my life... Maybe not. But win or lose I want you to that I am very regretful about what happened to end it. And I know you probably won't care or believe me... I'm sorry... |
| Feb. 25th, 2007 @ 04:03 am Well In Other News... |
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Current Mood:  chipper
I finally got my car back... Ya see a few days ago my old car was towed/stolen out of the parking lot where I now live and no one was talking to as to where it went. So after pushing some people around I got them to talk, finding out that it had been towed to the local impound lot... So I went down there paid the lot, which wasn't much, and got my car back... Oh by the way... Pictures of my new car will be posted shortly on my myspace page: www.myspace.com/hammmersbane
For those who want to meet the "Reaper".
Well going for a cigarette
Later kiddies.... |
| Feb. 16th, 2007 @ 03:27 am Sodexho night one.... |
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Well, I finally started my job as cook at Sodexho, and to say the lease... I made such a good 1st impression, that the night supervisor wants to find another cook that has the same drive and work ethic that I do... Pretty cool... I mean I'm flatter'd. But I know that I would make a good 1st impression.(not to sound cocky or anything) Well I'm off to bed b/c Spyke tired.... Spyke need sleep...
Later kiddies |
| Feb. 16th, 2007 @ 03:26 am Valentine's Day Bizzard.... |
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Well, theres at least 10 inches of snow on the ground, and increasing...
My old chevy is dead to the world, it refuses to run PERIOD....
Megs at work right now...
I'm cold, bored and stuck in plattsburgh....
And I'm going to for a cigerette...
Later kiddies... |
| Feb. 5th, 2007 @ 02:32 am Superbowl plus my life thus far... |
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Current Mood:  anxious
The Super bowl can be sum'd up in one word. PATHETIC!!!! The Chicago bears fell apart after their 2nd touch-down. Then after that is was a mindless procession missed tackles, the quarter back forgetting how to play, and offensive forgetting that they have to block. Fumble after fumble after fumble, and interceptions. I am personally embarrassed to be a bears fan.
Ok, my life thus far... I got a job working at Sodex-ho. I'm a cook at Little Al's. $9.00 an hour is nothing to sneeze at. Plus I get benefits, health, a union for once, and unemployment during the off season. Meg and I are moving in 2gether in April, I'm selling my curtain car, and getting a late 90's eagle talon... Turbo'd!!!! It's a nice car: black, spoiler, sound system... |
| Jan. 11th, 2007 @ 10:36 pm Everything Is working out..... |
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Current Mood:  high
Current Music: 10 years
Well for starters I don't work at Spencer's anymore. I pick up my last check this Friday. Upper management came in and fired everyone, not sure why. I'm looking for a job as of now, things are looking promising. I'm selling my car as soon as I get a job either in the city, or elsewhere. I need something a little more gas efficient, and a gas guzzler like the one I have now isn't what I need. I plan to move in with my girlfriend in the summer, either in the apartment she has now or another one. If I get a job in the city, I'm going to buy a bike and bike to work so in case I don't sell my beastie I won't burning all that gas to fire her up, warm her up, then go 2 and from work. Besides I figure it this way: It will get me in-shape... Lose this beer guy that I have had since I was a kid.
well thats all for now...
later kiddies |
| Dec. 29th, 2006 @ 02:26 am What does one say..... |
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Current Mood: aggravated
What does one say about the 2 years... Wasted... That what I have to say about it. I'm sorry about alot of things, but most of all I'm sorry about the 2 years wasted with you. I sit and I think sometimes, about how was it, that I could have been that stupid, that naive to things and people I should have had in my life. Things are different now. I'm different now. I know now that I'm on the path I should have been on 2 years ago and things like "us" shouldn't have happened at all... To be perfectly honest... The girl I have now is the one I should have and did end up with. People now have noticed a difference in me... A change if you will... A change for the better. I'm getting it all the time, either in passing, or in direct conversation. Most say that my face and the way I am is different. They say that my face no longer looks like I'm in pain... And you know what I like it. I have written you off as a big waste of my time, and huge waste of emotion...
"never again will you trample through my peaceful mind" ~dime |
| Dec. 29th, 2006 @ 02:23 am For Those of you that Care.... |
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| The entry I wrote about what about my new g/f Meg... Her and I are very much In-love and Happy. |
| Nov. 9th, 2006 @ 06:28 pm Please Negate... |
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Current Mood:  cold
Please Negate Last entry.....
That is All.... |
| Nov. 6th, 2006 @ 04:36 pm Some Really Good News..... |
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Current Mood: happy
Current Music: "Mack the Knife" by Bobby Darin
I found a new way to move on... I have been spenthe last 2days with her, and I have to tell ya... It's like being in heaven. When I kiss her I can't think straight, my heart stops, and snuggling with her forget it, I could die in her arms and be happy. And the weird part is that neither her or I ever saw it comming. We were talking about it today, and we both agreed that never in our wildest dreams that we ever thought it would have happened... We also agreed that this is good for both of us...
God I'm happy.... |
| Oct. 29th, 2006 @ 01:54 am Wow..Alcohol |
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Current Mood:  drunk
Well. I think it's official... I'm an Alcoholic In about 2 hours time I have had a bottle and a 1/2 or Captain Morgan, and I'm still wanting more. I figure it this way... Drinking the pain away is the only opition I have right now... Depression, and self-destructive habits are all I have right now... |
| Oct. 26th, 2006 @ 12:44 am Mindless banter, and 9mm's |
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Current Mood: drunk
Hold a head so high, and a heart so heavy. Remorse to the one I love. Pain stricken my body. Can't believe its been this long, can't believe your gone. Ashamed bleedin to the floor, I can't allow my heart to blacken anymore. I gave it all up when I gave into you. Some truths never lie, an some hurt never dies. Memories past, and p;easures since gone. God forsaken me now that I have fallen to my knees. I can't look at myself when I look in a mirror, Sorrow or a now tormented soul taking hold. Screaming your name does me no good. Broken promises, giving you everyting that I have should. |
| Oct. 25th, 2006 @ 06:05 pm Hospital Stay...FUN!!!! |
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Current Mood:  blah
about 2 nights ago I had a brief touch of insanity.. to say the least I had a nervous break down. All b/c of a certain someone that I thought I was getting over. Needless to say I'm not the same person I was 2 days ago. I can feel it... Fits of morbid depression, extended hour long fits of crying, and just the over all need to want to end my life. see what happen is that I saw Val on sunday night lookin to get my stuff back, and we got tlakin about how we're doing after the final break up. Shes doing swell... No signs of suffering... Me, on the other hand... It's written all over my face. So noow I'm in therapy, and on Anti-depressants. YaY!!! To say the least I'm all kinds of fucked up... |
| Oct. 25th, 2006 @ 06:04 pm On a 2note.. |
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| Cassie and I are no longer 2gether. O well... |
| Oct. 19th, 2006 @ 07:22 am I didn't see this one coming... |
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Current Mood: drunk
Well I was out wiht a bunch a friends last night, and I invited me friend Cassie. We wents to see "man of the year" and I know Cassie that is a good friend of mine but i never knew that she had a crush on me. So during the movie i notice that she's making little moves... You know... leaning toward me and getting her hand near mine. Then all of a sudden i feel her nudging my hand with hers. Now considering I never considered Cassie as a g/f. THere were moments during the movie that she would look at me and i knew that she was thinking the same thing i was. So while she was making the nudges, i grabbed a hold of her hand then she leans toward me more and we end up snugglin the entire movie... I had no intention on kissing her. But her and i were talking after the movie and I saw it in her eyes, and I leaned over to her and kissed her. And that i might say was a very good kiss... I saw her 2day and I asked her what she made about that night and we talked, so it looks like i have a G/F now... To perfected honest I never expected this... But to tell you the truth... I asked her about her b-day and shes a cancer just like and i never expected that... I'm starting over with a great girl... and I'm going to do the right things and never make the same mistakes that i made with Val...
Night Maggots... |
| Oct. 16th, 2006 @ 02:53 am Pat-stock 06' |
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Current Mood: cheerful
Pat's Party on the 14th was awesome. The boose flowed like water, there was a great had by all especially Pat and I. The 2 awesome girls that were with Pat and I all night you both are Vixens in you own rights thats all I will say for now... |
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